Baymax the Lovable Robot Condom Dispenser
by kittiekat10105
Summary: Really, the programming seemed like a good idea at the time. TadaHoney, Tadashi Lives.


**Baymax the Lovable Robot Condom Dispenser**

They were supposed to be working.

And they had been, for a few hours. They worked diligently, making as little eye-contact as possible when they interacted and concentrating solely on their respective projects. Tadashi worked on repairing Baymax from the last little adventure, and Honey Lemon on new compounds she could possibly weaponize (she had declined Fred's suggestion of making a Molotov cocktail as not only would that be unstable and unsafe, but also _incredibly_ illegal). But as time went on and the population of the Nerd Lab began to dwindle, they both became painfully aware of the lack of… alone time they'd had in the past few weeks.

As a result, her visits to Tadashi's lab became more frequent, their study breaks longer. Quick pecks turned to kisses, kisses turned to making out, which turned into groping which turned into Honey pressed up against the table, dress tossed who-knows-where, with her very hot, very shirtless boyfriend kissing her senseless as he fumbled with her bra (she thought about telling him that it was the kind that hooks in the front, not the back, but her mouth was a little busy).

The mystery of the bra was solved without her help, though, and it joined her dress in whatever dimension clothes wind up in when they're tossed unceremoniously across the room. It was some time after this that she ended up sitting on a table with Tadashi kissing parts of her that _should not_ be legal to kiss and when had her leggings disappeared into the mystery dimension?

She could worry about that later. Now, she had business to attend to. She yanked him up by his shoulders, bringing his mouth back to hers. She ran her fingers around his back and shoulders, gently tracing the scars marring his skin while he ran kisses along her jaw and down to her neck in response. He had come a long way from their first time, when he had flinched at the act. His self-consciousness regarding his scars were the main reason they hadn't done it sooner.

She felt his hands brace themselves on the table as he tried to hoist himself up. There was a slight bang accompanied by an "ow" as he accidentally kneed the table, but soon enough he was on top of her and she was fumbling with the zipper on his pants-

"Hello, I am Baymax. Your personal healthcare companion."

Honey immediately pulled her mouth away from Tadashi's neck (that was going to be a tough hickey to hide), and they both turned their heads to see the lovable walking marshmallow of a robot, Baymax.

"I heard a sound of distress. What seems to be the trouble?"

Honey, having gotten over her initial shock, tried her best not to burst into giggles. Perhaps she should have been more embarrassed at being caught in only her panties by her boyfriend's medical robot, but the ludicrousness of the situation only allowed for amusement on her part.

Really, the horrified look on Tadashi's face as he scrambled off of her, hastily found his t-shirt and threw it as her in a desperate attempt to protect her modesty from, again, his _medical robot_, almost did her in right there. As she slipped the shirt over her head, she eyed the sex flush covering his scarred back and shoulders. She bit her lip as her smile grew.

"N-Nothing Baymax. I just hit my knee on the table. I am sat-"

Baymax cocked his head to the side. "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?"

"Zero!" Tadashi said quickly. "I am-"

"I will scan you for injuries."

Tadashi shook his head vigorously. "No, really it's-"

"Scan complete!

"Unbelievable..."

"You have sustained no injuries. However, you have an increase in endorphins, vasopressin, a rise in heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure, and increased blood flow, particularly to the genital area. Diagnosis: Arousal!"

That did it. Honey lost every bit of her self control as she fell back on the table, absolutely dying from laughter. She made eye contact with Tadashi, and the indignant look he shot her only made it worse, turning her giggles into unvoiced gasps for air. But things would only get better from there.

"As your healthcare companion, it is in my programming to inform you of the various practical and emotional responsibilities that come with being sexually active."

Tadashi stared at Baymax in horror. "Oh no."

"Oh my _god!_" Honey cried, tears from her laughing fit beginning to fall.

"I knew this would come back to bite me, but I always thought it would be Hiro who-"

"When a young person begins engaging in sexual activity, it is best that they are aware of the different forms of contraceptives and protection from STIs and STDs!"

"Baymax I am well aware-"

"Two of the most common forms of contraception - or birth control, as it is commonly referred to - are oral contraceptives and condoms! Oral contraceptives - or The Pill - are medications taken by the female to lower the probability of pregnancy! These contraceptives commonly contain both estrogen and progestin, but progestin-only pills are also an option!"

While Baymax was reciting his knowledge of birth control, Honey finally calmed down enough to talk. Wiping her eyes, she scooted across the table, closer to where Tadashi was leaning against it. His right hand rubbed his forehead.

"Can't you just tell him you're satisfied with your care?" she asked.

Tadashi sighed. "Normally, yes... but not with this program."

Honey cocked her head to the side, looking at Baymax (who was currently talking about experimental male birth control pills, the ring, and other implants), and back to the increasingly embarrassed Tadashi. "Why this program?"

He grimaced. "Well... Hiro's getting older-"

"Stop right there," Honey warned. "You programmed Baymax to give Hiro the _sex talk?!_"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time.."

"Tadashi, that's _your_ job! And isn't Hiro asexual?!"

"Well that doesn't mean he won't do anything..."

"True."

"Many condoms are made with spermicide, further lowering the probability of pregnancy! Condoms also have the added benefit of preventing the possible spread of STIs or STDs! Female condoms are also available, typically made from nitrile rubber!"

Honey Lemon blinked. "Well you were certainly thorough," she said encouragingly.

"I wanted him to be informed."

She grinned and nudged his shoulder. "Well you did a good job. Even if _you_ should be the one telling him these things."

"Honey..."

"When a young person has a sexual partner, there are also many emotional responsibilities beyond simply using protection."

"_Dejalo ahorita!_" Honey exclaimed. Channeling her mother for the moment, she clocked him on the back of the head.

"Ow!"

Honey gave him the Look her mother gave her when she did something wrong. "You programmed the emotional discussion, too?!"

This time, at least, Tadashi had the decency to look guilty. "Well Hiro doesn't really respond that well when it comes to talking about feelings..."

"And you think he will respond to Baymax?!"

"He loves Baymax!"

"Yes, and he loves you too."

"It is the duty of both partners to establish limits and terms!" Baymax said with continued enthusiasm. "Inadequate communication can lead to unnecessary emotional turmoil and damaged relationships. Firstly, knowledge of whether the relationship is romantic or purely sexual. If one partner gets the wrong impression of the nature of the relationship, it could inflict significant pain on that partner. Secondly, if both partners fully consent to the act. If your sexual partner expresses any hesitance, verbally or nonverbally, it is your responsibility to stop."

Honey smiled wanly. "Just don't ask your partner if she's sure twenty times when she's already tossed her bra across the room and pulled you on top of her."

"I just didn't want you to regret it!"

"You must also make sure your partner is comfortable, and sufficiently aroused before intercorse. The idea that the first act of sexual intercorse should hurt the female is a common misconception. The vagina is self-lubricating, and any pain indicates insufficient arousal."

"Well we certainly didn't have to worry about _that_," said Honey, impishly.

"Sexual intercorse, be it casual or romantic, is a responsibility." Baymax paused, cocking his head slightly to the right. "My sexual education program is complete. Is there anything you might have missed that you would like for me to repeat?"

"No!" Tadashi said desperately.

"You have been a good boy," Baymax said with his usual kindness. But Tadashi lost any fondness for his creation when he held up a square, plastic package; a condom. "Remember to always be prepared!"

Laughter once again erupted from Honey Lemon while an extremely red-faced Tadashi took the condom from Baymax.

"Are you satisfied with your care?"

"Yes. I am satisfied with my care."

Baymax waddled back to his charging station, and Tadashi sighed in relief. Honey Lemon, still giggling, wrapped her arms around his torso,

"I probably deserved that..." he muttered, leaning into her touch.

Honey kissed his shoulder. "Your heart was in the right place, but yes. You definitely deserved that."

Tadashi sighed again, looking at the condom Baymax had given him. "I barely even remember programming the condom thing. Must've been one of my all-nighters."

Honey's smile turned wicked. "You know..." She placed a well-aimed kiss on his neck. "It does save us the hassle of looking for your wallet in this mess."

He turned his face towards her and stared at her inquisitively. "You mean you still want to have sex after that?"

The shirt landing on his head was answer enough for him.

* * *

><p><em>I had this idea for awhile, so my friend made this her Christmas gift. I was a little unsure about posting it, but she and my roommate both convinced me to do it. I hope you enjoyed it. Special thanks to my friend, who is fluent in Spanish, for giving me an exclamation for Honey to use.<em>

_Also Tadashi is totally alive what are you talking about._


End file.
